don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
