The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
