Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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