why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
