It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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