apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
