I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
