dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
