Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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