I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
