The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
