I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
