that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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