He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
