woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
