The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
