I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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