If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
