Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
