My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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