how can u be prego again
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
