alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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