I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
