Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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