On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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