She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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