I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
