i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
