if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
