I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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