if you like me you must not know who I am
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
