we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
