so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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