Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
