Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
