Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
