No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
