We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
