A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
