screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
