I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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