I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
