Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
