Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
