I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
