i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
