capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
