Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
