u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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