Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
