Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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