i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
