i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
