I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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