Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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