I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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